I read the topic for today and I cringed. Favorite things on social media whether it be instagram, twitter, pinterest, facebook, tumblr, whatever is out there.
And here is my rant:
I don’t enjoy social media.
Hell, you should see me text. As of this writing I have two texts from Bronwyn Green I haven’t looked at yet. She texts like a woman with a mission. I send one text and she can send eight in reply. I’m not sure if it’s her or the way texts come across between our carriers but, she puts my social skills to shame.
If you are stranded on an island and you need to pick one of two people to be social with, pick Bronwyn. I’d be able to reach the coconuts over her t-rex arms but I’d probably resort to using the coconuts as a weapon later on to avoid conversation. And by avoid conversation I mean, permanently. So seriously, pick Bronwyn.
There was a time, a long time ago, where Facebook was a lot of fun. My friends were actually my closest friends and if I wanted to see what they were up to I had to visit their page. It wasn’t public, there was no news feed. Co-workers, clients, family members, acquaintances you only accepted the friend request for because you didn’t want to seem rude and they aren’t your favorite people but you don’t necessarily hate them – didn’t exist. Facebook was among a certain demographic and there was no fear of social suicide should you be Sergent Secretary Stems and Seeds of the Auxiliary #420 Club, a group of your friends made up at a party that was viewed by invite only.
Now I see a post from someone I worked with over six years ago for less than a year, “OMG! I’m having such a bad day!” and then a sea of “likes” and “praying for you” comments. When I see someone comment, “praying for you” I think the following:
1 – If the holy of holies is getting a few memos from Facebook, some serious shit has gone down.
2 – So what is this shit?
3 – Why do people like negative status updates? Does anyone else find that counter productive? Or are they having a bad day too? What’s the prayer list up to? How many people are on it at this point?*
4 – I thought we were friends, why the cryptic message?
–and if the friend does post what’s so bad–
5 – Sorry sweetheart, I got bored with your whining, what were you saying again?
6 – And now I remember why I have so few friends…
*Note: I went to parochial school which required church attendance. If you were the dick that put names on the prayer list of minor importance like, “Please pray for Edith who is suffering at home with a broken foot…” and you are the culprit who dragged on the prayer portion of the service for a half hour longer than necessary. Add your name on the list so the congregation can pray for you to be less of a douche canoe. Nothing makes a child more angry than waiting to eat breakfast, stomach rumbles echoing off the stone walls, and we’re praying for old people with first world problems. SHE DOESN’T NEED A PRAYER! WALK IT OFF EDITH, I’M STARVING!
I purge my Facebook “friends” often. I’ve removed my profile picture and never post other than the birthday wish “thank you” I send out once a year to the people who use facebook in lieu of a phone call or snail mail card. Which I’m actually okay with. I would delete Facebook completely if it weren’t for it being the only source of communication for a large number of people. Such as, now that I’m a parent, teachers. The teachers I have encountered are still pretty good at posting information in the classroom or daily handouts but I have met a few that rely on Facebook for information. Where is the waterbottle I sent to school with you? Oh Frank’s mom accidentally took it. She could have just left it in the classroom with the teacher the following day but nope – Facebook status update: I HAVE YOUR WATER BOTTLE!
Thank you. I was about to put out an Elsa alert for lost, stolen, and exploited Frozen themed water bottles.
Due to Facebook ruining my already skeptical image of people I didn’t really want to get to know, I have avoided Instagram because I don’t need a photobook version of irritation. Tumblr always seemed geared more toward the younger generation. Get off my back, I’m not super old. It’s popular with my nieces and nephews and I just felt like it was their space. People ruined Facebook for me, I’m not going to destroy Tumblr for them. Though, I do know many people who enjoy Tumblr and are my age or older but, it has an adult-in-Chuck-E-Cheese feeling to me I can’t shake.
I have no idea how Pinterest works. Honestly, haven’t the faintest.
Twitter however, Twitter I do enjoy. I read more than I tweet and I find it a hodge podge of “That’s funny”, “That’s interesting”, and “Really? 50 chicken nuggets in one sitting? That’s disgusting.” It seems I find a different audience and entertainment on Twitter and it’s more enjoyable. It’s hard to annoy people in 142 characters and I never see the “I’ll pray for you” comments. Though I did see someone comment on Chris Evan’s twitter, “I want you to come in my mouth.” Like whoa. Pump the brakes there chica this is Captain America you are talking to. Then again, a lot of people complain, “I don’t get Twitter.” Which is fine. Stay on Facebook where you belong then.
Here is a list of less ranty people: