Random Wednesday: Dear Jessica, You Beautiful Bag of Sarcasm

For this post we’re writing letters to our 16 year old self. That’s about all the intro you need for this one.


Dear Jessica,

You’re perfect. No really, you are. You’re on the right path to happiness so don’t change a thing.

Boyfriend choice is a little dicey but if it weren’t for dating someone older and in college, you wouldn’t have been able to focus carefree on school work and extracurricular school activities while he was away. Sure, he was a total douchecanoe with a terrible hair cut, but he actually did you a favor in regard to school.

School – you’re smart and doing awesome. Keep it up. And that whole “Why do we need to know this? No one uses this kind of math in real life.” Yeah…um…you’re going to skate by because you’re a smart kid but that math – that shit will haunt you. Nine hours a day. Five days a week. Motherfucking math.

Friends – Steve’s gay. He is going to lie to you about it come prom. He’s a shit like that.

Also, stop washing your hair every day and blow drying it. You’re drying it out. No amount of spray in conditioner is going to fix that amount of breakage. Just as well, high lights are super cute but not in your hair quality best interest.

Find Ryan McCandless and make friends with him in high school and don’t wait until you run into him in college. He isn’t going to be around for long. Unfortunate reality of being a police officer.

There isn’t a day you’re going to regret and a decision that isn’t going to have something good about it even if it seems like a bad choice after more thorough consideration. Keep it up. It’s looking really good for you.

Let’s catch up again when you hit college. There is this guy in one of your classes that’s worth talking to sooner than later. It all works out in the end but there were a few years there that could have been expedited with better attention to detail and a bigger pair of balls on your part.

Jessica “The Awesome” De La Rosa

P.S. Read these other ladies.

Bronwyn Green

Paige Prince

Kellie St. James



4 thoughts on “Random Wednesday: Dear Jessica, You Beautiful Bag of Sarcasm

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