Random Wednesday: Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

I’m back! And I failed Nano!

Life got in the way of writing. However, the goals are simple and I know I can finish my manuscript before November. I can’t say nothing was accomplished, I still wrote a large amount. I just have a little more to go. Then I can pack that mound of word vomit away and edit it another day. Like the fact that after 50,000 words in I realized two characters are named after my mom’s dogs.

It was completely unintentional and I plan to fix that in the future.

Any rate, this installment of Random Wednesday asks the question, if you could rewrite any book, what book would it be and why?

Good question, here is the story:

Many years ago we were at a friends house, doing what friends do, hanging out. A guy in our group came up to me and my future husband to tell us about this amazing book he recently read. He’s not the smartest cat in the clowder and he’s named after a car so, for the sake of this story, his name is PT Cruiser.

PT Cruiser is the kind of guy that hops jobs not looking for a career but just to find that job he can make the most money at without it being too demanding and inconvenient. His full time dream is to be in a band that has some level of success while this pasty tattooed guy screams inaudible nonsense into a microphone. The fact that he picked up a book in the first place was overly impressive and that he liked it so much he was recommending it to his book-ish friends was something both my future husband and I took note of.

Whatever this book was, it was serious business. Very metal indeed. “It’s got vampires. You’ll fucking love it.”

The book was purchased and sat on a shelf in the “need to read” pile for sometime. My now husband had a busy hobby schedule and I found some free time before he did so I decided to pick up the book and read it first. I don’t like vampire books and was only reading because PT Cruiser talked it up. If this book captivated a non-reader so much, it has to be good.

Chapter 1 was completely awful. I sat on my couch arguing that I didn’t buy a word of what this teenage girl was saying, feeling, and whining about. Chapter 2 didn’t get any better. Chapter 3 – Game Over. That bitch went right back on the shelf and was used to hold the better books up.

Then it happened.

This book quickly became a best selling phenomenon. It took months of me hearing about Twilight that I finally made the connection, “Holy shit. That’s the shitty vampire book! We own that!” It was so popular my niece carried a copy in her purse at all times and my mom, who also isn’t a dedicated reader, picked it up and asked me if I had read this book yet because it was “amazing.”

At this point I felt like a cult was pushing me to join them in a suicide mission. How could these people love this book? Why don’t they see what I see. To this day, I still don’t understand.

My husband did eventually read it in it’s entirety. But only as part of an agreement with another friend who also recommended Twilight, that she would read Harry Potter. He was not persuaded to finish the Twilight series, she did read all of the Harry Potter books.

I get it. People make fun of Twilight for one reason or another because that is the fun thing to do. I’m not doing that here. I read the book all hipster style, before it was cool, and determined it was not worthy to push forward. I can honestly say without prejudice, I did not like the book and felt it was poorly written. I could not connect with the main character and found the writing lacking. Twilight was not able to hook me into the story and for that reason, I shelved it.

If there was a book I would rewrite, it would be this one. Problem though…I still don’t like vampires and while I wouldn’t mind reading a book that might convince me differently, the market is saturated with vampire books. While working through agent profiles I have actually seen the words, “Please, no vampires” more than once. To find the one book I might enjoy is a needle in a haystack.

Maybe one day, I’ll take a stab at vampires. Pun intended. If there is a story out there I want to read, maybe I just need to write it myself. Until then, I’ll write poorly written literary fiction with characters accidentally named after a couple of boxers.

Stolen from Google Images. I do not know these dogs. Boxers are stupid dogs. CORGIS FOR LIFE!

Glad to be back and as always, the ladies…

Gwendolyn Cease

Bronwyn Green

Paige Prince


4 thoughts on “Random Wednesday: Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

  1. I love that you accidentally named characters after your mom’s dogs.

    And why did I just know in my heart that it was Twilight you were talking about? Granted, I enjoyed it, but it was for entirely different reasons. It was a silly story I could get lost in while I was going through a difficult time in my life. The writing was horrible. Also, ROFL @ PT Cruiser. We have a friend we call Camaro and he fits the profile you listed. Are you sure you don’t live in Houston and we know the same guy? 😉


  2. The fact that a dude PT Cruiser read and loved Twilight delights me more than I can possibly tell you.

    EL James did rewrite Twilight. If possible, I think it blows more than the source material. I would, however, love to see your rewrite. 😀


  3. I was like Paige and knew it was Twilight. And, like you, did not like it at all. Now I love reading vampires and I write them, but that book was bad. Not as bad as the EL James ripoffs, but yeah, not good.

    Oh and I named 2 children in my last book after my sister’s cats. LOL! So, yeah, the dogs can totally pull it off.


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